I Mourned My Driving Licence Like I'd Lost a Friend

I love cars. Always have.

I used to modify my own. I did track days and raced. I went to car shows and to F1. I've driven Porsches, Ferraris and Aston Martins. It was an absolute passion of mine.

I don't drive anymore. And it wasn't a hypo that took my licence. It was my eyes.

How it went

As a diabetic on insulin, my licence was only ever given for up to three years at a time. Reassessed again and again. Bad hypos had to be reported. So holding a licence as a Type 1 was always on a knife edge. But I had it, and it meant a lot.

Then retinopathy took my right eye and all the side vision in my left. I scored poorly on the visual acuity test. My night vision was badly affected.

In the UK you can technically drive with one eye, but only if that eye meets the same standards as two, and a doctor confirms you've adapted. Mine didn't. So it was time to give up my licence.

That took a part of me.

It wasn't just me

It hit Vicky too. She's a DJ, and I used to drive her up and down the country to gigs. We drove all around Australia. We drove everywhere on holiday.

Our honeymoon was supposed to be a drive across the USA, east coast to west coast. The trip of a lifetime. It never happened. I was told I could lose my sight within weeks without surgery, so we cancelled it and I flew home to hospital.

One minute you're planning a road trip across America. The next you're face down for 15 days with a gas bubble in your eye. Further down the line, you're handing back your licence.

Changing the strategy

I went through a real mourning period. I'm not going to pretend I didn't.

Then I had to change my whole strategy for life. How I lived, how I planned, how I got anywhere. Now it's the bus, or a lift, and a walk. That's how I got to CrossFit every single morning of my 100-day challenge.

It might not sound like much to some people. But on top of the diabetes, that kind of loss had a really bad effect on me for years.

Here's what I've learned. Mourning is a stage, not a place to live. You're allowed to grieve what diabetes takes. At some point you change the plan and carry on.

If you drive with Type 1 (UK)

These are the rules as I understand them. They change, so always check GOV.UK.

• Five to drive. Your blood sugar should be 5 mmol/L or above before you drive. Between 4 and 5, eat some carbs first. Under 4, treat the hypo and don't drive.
• Check no more than two hours before you set off, and at least every two hours on long journeys.
• If you go low while driving, pull over safely, switch off, take the keys out and get out of the driver's seat. Wait 45 minutes after you're back to normal before driving again.
• Tell the DVLA if you have more than one severe hypo while awake in 12 months, or you lose your hypo awareness.
• Your eyes matter too. You must be able to read a number plate from 20 metres and have a normal field of vision in at least one eye.

And the one I'd underline twice: go to every eye screening. Your eyes can decide whether you drive at all.

Your turn

If diabetes has taken something from you, a licence, a job, a plan, a version of yourself, write it down. Let yourself grieve it. Then, when you're ready, write one thing you've built in its place. Even something small.

I lost the car, the licence and the honeymoon. I didn't lose the drive.