From "Why Me?" to "What Now?": The 100 Days That Changed My Life

Why me?

I think we all ask it. When we're diagnosed, or somewhere along the way.

For me it came hardest as a teenager. I was angry. Frustrated with myself, with diabetes, with the fact that it was doing all this to my body and, as far as I could see, only to me. I cried because I couldn't do anything about it. I wanted it to go away.

I carried that for years. I built a room in my head and locked it all inside. I call it the diabetic mind prison. Diabetes had control of me and I didn't even realise it.

The point of no return

I was coming up to my 40th birthday, coming out of lockdown. I was in poor shape, physically and mentally. Eating badly. Drinking too much. I told myself I had my diabetes under control.

I didn't.

So I set myself a challenge. 100 days, from 20 May to my 40th birthday on 27 August, to reprogramme myself.

The night before Day 1, I felt all of it. Fear, excitement, no confidence. A voice saying: who are you to tell anyone how to live? Then I flipped it. I've lived a lifetime with this condition. I've been to hell and back with it more than once, and I never quit.

My rules

• Drink 2 to 4 litres of water a day.
• No alcohol. None.
• No takeaways.
• Weigh everything. Count everything: carbs, calories, insulin.
• Sleep well.
• Do something every single day.

What happened

In the first week alone, my background insulin came down by about a third, just from eating consciously and moving every day.

Those are the only numbers I measured, so those are the only numbers you'll get.

The rest doesn't fit in a table. I found out I could do the hard sessions on my own, with nobody watching. I learned to tell hunger from a hypo. I went 100 days without a drink. And somewhere around Day 64, I stopped asking why me and started asking what now.

The blueprint

On Day 65 I met a friend who'd been diagnosed two years before and was struggling. I told her about my 100 days. She said yes, and took on the challenge herself.

That's when I realised this could be a blueprint. Not my exact plan. The method:

Be conscious. Measure. Move every day. Own it.

You don't need 36 years of diabetes to help someone. You just need to be a few steps ahead and willing to share what you've learned.

Your turn

Write down every "why me" thought you've had about your diabetes. Don't filter them. Next to each one, write a "what now":

• Why do I have to think about every meal? becomes What could I learn about food that most people never will?
• Why did this happen to me? becomes What can I do with it now that it has?

Then pick one and do it this week. Day 1 is whatever day you decide it is.

If the "why me" feels heavier than that, if you've had thoughts of not wanting to be here, please don't sit with them alone. Talk to your GP, your diabetes team or someone you trust. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans are there free, any time, on 116 123.

"Why me" keeps you in the wound. "What now" gets you out.